On Withness: Go Where You’re Wanted

I come into contact with a lot of people. Some of these connections are just juicy wonderful open and clear and others are more murky. Coming off a week at a conference, I’ve another chance to look at group energies, and why we do or don’t connect with specific people: this person is easy, this one pulls me in, this one is giving me the side eye, or is wholly uninterested in me, this one I’m wary of (maybe they want something or are incoherent inside?), that one makes me work too hard, that one brings out my happy kid, that one turns me on, that one takes my breath away, that one scares me. In the energy training with Thomas Huebl, we’ve been looking at the energy and messages we carry around with us- things that people can unconsciously read on us as plain as the words on a T-shirt. And for me, I’m thinking about what is friendship and what is belonging and when is it right to work on it- when does effort further, versus to do nothing and just be?

Asynchronous and imbalanced relationships are unsatisfying to me. I get more joy from a circle of peers and equals, who truly want to be in each other’s company, learn from each other’s expertise, cocreate and play. People who freely share their inner life and outer inquiry, who are as interested in me as I am in them- that’s fun and enriching. I try too freaking hard with some people. Keep giving attention, inquiry, care out of a sense that I can take more than they can, I have more to give, a sort of inverse arrogance about my own capacity. But in reality, these relationships where the other exhibits a sort of connective stinginess, or it’s one sided, drain me of energy and joy.

I claim friendships going forward with people who can be with me in reciprocity.
I will more clearly distinguish mentor and philanthropic relationships from friendships.
If someone acts as though they are superior to me, or I have to metaphorically wave my hands around to get their attention, I release them.
If someone is being petitionary with me I invite them into their own power.
No more than a friend, no less than a friend.
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Go where you’re wanted. Be where being in “withness” is easy. Be in your own center. Magnetic to the ones who are meant for you. There are a lot of sandboxes out there.