enemies of joy

When You Are Too Much, I Like You Even More

When You Are Too Much, I Like You Even More

Man you are too much. You are too big, too loud, too distractable, too many opinions, too sexual, too aggressive, too demanding.

Girl you are too much: You are too bossy, too curvy, too sexual, too smart. Tone it down. Cover it up. Lose some weight. Be a lady, on the street at least.

You are out of control.

Dear self,

Guess what. That’s the whole point.

Class structures and aspirational consumer symbologies are designed keep you under control. So are behavior codes that make you tepid, unassuming or “just one of the guys” – it’s all to keep you in line and keep society stable. You KNOW you can get rewarded up to a certain point for playing into this dynamic. You can become a part of the ruling class, with it’s apparent-to-the-trained-eye-only subdued linens and scrubbed woods and oh-so-delicate jewelry, but let me tell you, after living in those communities for 25 years or more, it’s really bullshit in the end. Class aspiration is an unstable platform to build your life on. It’s dependent on feeding the consuming dragon money constantly, it values appearances over reality. It doesn’t lead to happiness (in fact it leads to dramatic social pathology and inauthenticity).

May I be bold and proffer the following? The aspirational coefficient: The more time you invest in trying to find the just right subtle nude pumps or engineer your body an unoffensive broad shouldered, small hipped, small breasted size 2…. the more you try to find and enter the right clubs and get your offspring into the right schools, the more messed up you will be.

While fitting into the lofty aeries of the high bourgeoisie, and being part of the distribution system of rank and funding may allow you, for a time at least, to take a bite of Vanity Fair-esque well-tempered glamor, the consequence of trying to live this way is that you will never explore, expose, or understand the power of your true creative force. You might know wine, have a mean golf swing or heliski, donate to charity, get invitations to parties. You might have a delightful home, but it is unlikely that you will maximize or optimize your potential contribution or expression.

Whatever identifiable archetype you think drives the wheel of society and culture- whatever you THINK want to belong too – the ladies who lunch, the techset, the banking class, the barons of commerce — think again. They are all dining out on the creative force of people who don’t care what others think.

Tech geeks in their basements. Naturalists finding out fungi can eat cancer cells. Artists painting the sides of buildings while being hunted by the police. People leaking secretly illegal behavior to the press, the consequences be damned. People reinventing industries from the outside because they have no one to please. Almoldovar making a movie like Wild Tales.

Here is the enemy of joy: Being tepid. Being safe. Fear of being judged. Caring whether people think you’re a good girl or boy. Not claiming your desire. Doing what’s expected of you because it’s expected of you by others, not because you expect it yourself. In short, playing small ball.

Do you want to know a secret? I’m like Kerouac. The only ones for me are the ones who burn like giant Roman Candles. When you are TOO MUCH, I like you even more. When I am too much, I like me even more. Trying to fit in BORES ME SO MUCH at this point in my life. I want all those years and all that money spent trying to do that back.

Get bolder. Go deeper. Laugh harder.

Be Fully without Fear. Swing for the fences.

#Fear #Class #Creativity #Growth #SelfInquiry #Optimization #Consumerism


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